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Even though being in an interracial marriage isn’t such a shocking thing anymore, it can still get difficult for a couple of reasons. For example, if your marriage is cross-cultural as well, you might feel like you are constantly pulled into two different directions. Moreover, the differences that mean so little for the two of you might still bother a number of people who generally have no saying in your happiness, but whose attitudes can sometimes bring tension to your marriage.
The good news is, if you love your partner and if you are dedicated to making your marriage work, you can overcome any obstacle.
Don’t ignore your differences
Probably the worst thing you could do to your marriage is to ignore your differences and act as if they don’t matter. The differences I’m talking about don’t refer to skin color in particular. Maybe the two of you come from the same city, but you’ve grown in different neighborhoods, practiced opposite religions, or attended different schools. All these things are very real, and so are your differences, so instead of ignoring them, focus on them and try to learn as much as you can about each other. Trade shoes. They might not fit, but it will give you a chance to learn to see the world from a whole new perspective – your partner’s. This will lead to a much needed understanding between the two of you.
Avoid bringing pressure to your marriage
Every marriage has its pressures. When you are in an interracial marriage, the pressure tends to be a bit different. You need to fit in with a person from a completely different background, and you’re navigating a brand new territory. You might feel lost at times, and pressured to the bone. One of you might feel uncomfortable jumping into the other person’s world, especially if there are some disapproving family members involved. Someone might feel unwelcome, and this is a terrible thing to feel. It can have negative effects on your marriage and your relationship. Even if you have to jump over some obstacles during holidays or family visits, try not to bring the pressure home with you. Never blame your partner for his family’s behavior. Your partner chose you. He isn’t responsible for his family, just as you aren’t responsible for yours. Don’t blame each other for other people’s mistakes. Make sure your home is your getaway from all the nonsense of the outside world.
Move to a place that feels like home
This advice might come out as unpractical, since it isn’t really possible to just pack up and move. Still, you should think about finding a place on this planet that feels like home for both of you. This doesn’t have to be the hometown of either one of you. This should be a place where you both feel happy and relaxed, where the surrounding seems fresh and yet familiar. It doesn’t have to be a new state or town; you can move to a different neighborhood and still feel like you’ve gone to the other side of the world. Find your happy place, find the neighborhood you feel comfortable in, and place your life there.
Always talk about issues that bother you
You should talk about anything with your partner. If something bothers you, talk about it right there and then. Don’t hold it in because you want to avoid an unpleasant conversation. This will result in uncomfortable feelings piling up inside you, and you might burst at some point and snap at your partner. If you talk about the good and the bad right when it happens, you won’t have anything to hold against your partner. Try not to be at war with them in your head, while they have no idea what’s going on. Discuss everything together. This can be tricky, especially when it comes to the behavior of your partner’s friends or family, but you have to get it out before you start feeling resentful.
Stand by each other
Stand by your partner, and stand for him whenever he is mistreated. It doesn’t matter if your wife’s boss treats her badly, or your own brother misbehaves around her, stand up for your beloved one. Stand for your beliefs and for your relationship. Show the world that your partner is the most important person in the world for you, and let everyone know you won’t allow anyone to put your favorite person down.
